dear diary 011 [my new normal]

We have been in lockdown for about two months at this point. I've finally gotten used to my new normal. Wake up, work, come back from work, animal crossing, tv, spend time with my family, sleep.

On Sundays, I've been trying to Facetime/video chat at least one friend. I have implemented that in the last month, since I was missing my friends, but not really putting the effort to contact anyone. That's not exactly true, it's not about whether I put in the effort or not. I just get this wave of exhaustion and anxiety and the thought of contacting them. I know...it sounds weird.

I've definitely been struggling with intense anxiety throughout this. That, and some minor depression. To be honest, I expected to feel much worse than I do. I think that since initially going to therapy, I've just done a better/healthier job at handling my overall mental state.

I'm making sure to be kind to myself, and realize that there is no "right/wrong" way to handle this global pandemic.

As I've mentioned in other past posts, I've mainly spent my time watching TV (Just finished Schitt's Creek, currently watching Devious Maids, Rick and Morty, One Piece & Solar Opposites), Reading (Currently Reading Becoming by Michelle Obama), Playing Videogames (Animal Crossing, Final Fantasy 7, Vampyr, & Witcher 3), and doing some artsy crafts (like drawing, painting and keeping up with my bullet journal).

In other news, I haven't really left the house much, other than walking my dog, and picking up something quickly from the pharmacy.

In the state of NJ, they've opened up state parks, golf courses, & some beaches. Restaurants are only open for pick up or delivery. As of yesterday non-essential businesses are open, but only for curbside pickup. Beaches & boardwalks will all officially be opened starting next Monday.

While I'm happy at the thought of things going back to normal, I'm nervous about the idea of another wave of the disease spreading. This has happened to other countries that have started removing some of the restrictions. Not only that, the United States as a whole has done terribly dealing with this pandemic. While Governors have done their best dealing with something that has never happened on such a global scale, it could have been dealt with much better if they had the correct leadership.

There are some states that have no restrictions at all anymore. It's weird. We have the largest death rate in the world, and yet we're starting to remove restrictions. I guess that while I'm happy to be able to go outside, it's still doesn't actually make sense as to why we're removing restrictions? I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Other than that, my life has been completely uneventful. This guy from my past popped back into my life, and while I was hoping it would turn into something, it didn't end up working out. Luckily I didn't really "like like" him or having feelings for him or anything, so it was really no skin off my bones.

There is one final thing I do want to mention. While the Coronavirus has taken a lot from me and my life, there are actually a few things that I've enjoyed. I feel like I have more free time focusing on my hobbies. Since I have a lot less exterior influences (I'm not using social media much either), I've found myself not having anyone to compare myself to, and I am the most confident I've ever been. I find myself not having any "unworthy, unlovable" thoughts. Which are a really great side effect of this whole thing.

I know this whole situation has honestly sucked, but it's nice to think of the few positives this whole thing has brought us. What are some of the positives in your life since the pandemic has spread? Let me know in the comments down below!

Sending you love, strength, and positivity. Hope you're all staying safe and trying to make the best out of a shitty situation. xxx