dear diary,

Today was the fall launch for Lost in Aster. We have 262 followers on Instagram (currently at 275). We are increasingly getting more and more sales, so that's exciting.

You know how some poeple get nervous about starting a new business, and taking risks in terms of work? I have never been like that. Starting Lost in Aster wasn't really nerve wrecking at all. I was more nervous about spending money and the opinions of others around ime, instead of the actual starting of the business. I don't mind working hard for what I truly want. Even though I have invested a lot of time, money, and effort towards the brand, I know it's all going to be worth it.

I feel like when it comes to life, the things that makes me the most nervous in general, is love. I say I'm ready to find someone and say that I'm content with where I am in life & that's why I haven't started seriously dating and searching for someone, but in reality, I'm nervous to put myself out there again.

I kinda want the person meant for me to just fall in my lap. I want to click with them so instantly that I just know that they're the one. People always say that you find love when you least expect it, and I believe that, but I'm already impatient trying to wait patiently.

I keep having these romantic dreams, which proves that I have love on the brain. I know I do, I just feel like I don't want to force it with all these dating apps. While I know people personally that have found their perfect match from dating apps, I also know tons of disaster stories. I have given them a try on multiple occasions, I just feel like they're not for me.

I'm someone that, when in person, I get sucked in by a person's smile, laugh, and conversation. Their mannerisms, among other things. But on an app, you're limited to a whole bunch of images (which makes me much pickier with appearance than I am in real life), a few lil' blurbs, which doesn't really accurately represent a person at all, and messaging (which I personally suck at and don't really enjoy).

I feel like we live in a generation where you can date someone in the palm of your hands. Because of that, we all suffer with "there's a possibility that there's someone better out there". You may think you have something great with someone but because of our fear with settling, all of us have commitment issues and keep serial dating.

I have faith that my person is right around the corner.

This post was an actual journal entry post I wrote last week. I didn't write it with the intention of posting it, and so for me it seems much more personal compared to my other "dear diary" posts. I usually write those with the intention of sharing with others, but this one specifically was not like that. 

Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed reading. Sending you love, strength, and positivity.

-melina xxx