Dear You,

As I start to sit here and write, I have so many questions. A constant stream of thoughts running through my head. "How are you?" Such a simple question, and yet it is the first thing I want to know the answer to.

It's been a while since we've chatted. Now that is an understatement. It's been almost 4 years now? A lot can change in 4 years. A lot can change in a single year, so I can only image how different you are now.

We were both in difficult places in our lives when we stopped being friends, that I genuinely hope you're doing better. My life has changed a lot since we were last friends, but I can definitely say for the better. While my life isn't always sunshine and daisies, I can say that I'm in a much better place than I was when you last saw me.

There is so much I want to say. So much I want to tell you, especially about our last moments of friendship. And yet, so much time has passed, that it kind of doesn't matter.

I was extremely hurt towards the end of our friendship. The things you had done were unforgivable in my eyes. The funny thing now? I forgive you. I genuinely do.

I've come to realize that forgiving someone has little to do with them, and a lot to do with ourselves. I was holding on to that hurt for a long time, and it wasn't doing me any good.

I forgive you.

While I forgive you, I genuinely can't imagine you in my life anymore.

The end of our friendship wasn't the easiest. We were both struggling with different things, and it was tough. We were never ones to fight with one another, but the last few months of our friendship were filled with arguments. I remember the moment I thought, "I'm losing my best friend".

It was so difficult to sit and watch you destroy yourself. I felt like a worried mother. I was constantly trying to think of ways to make you feel better. No matter what I tried, it didn't work. The last four months of our relationship was a steady decline, with very few moments of sunlight.

I remember us going to lunch a few weeks after my heart wrenching breakup. I hadn't seen you in a while, which was weird considering we lived a few blocks away from each other. You looked better than you had when I last saw you. You said you were doing better, and for that I was relieved.

We had such a great time together. I thought we had gotten over the hump and were starting to mend our friendship and climb uphill. Our friendship went back to regular text messages, memes sent through Instagram, and constant Snapchat messages.

It didn't last long. About a month after that, you betrayed me. I remember the shock I felt. Explaining the scenario to some friends and my sister, and them getting angry about the whole situation. What you had done didn't sink in until later. When I messaged you about it, you were extremely apologetic, but didn't seem to understand the severity of what you had done.

Our friendship didn't end there immediately. I kind of shoved that issue to the side and pretended everything was okay. Until I couldn't pretend anymore. We had gotten into another argument, where you said some harsh things, and I was completely caught off guard. It was the final straw.

The end of our friendship wasn't dramatic. I decided to slowly drift out of your life. I had more than enough drama and didn't need anymore. The one thing that surprised me was that you didn't try to hang out or reach out to me. You let me end our friendship. I still wonder what your thoughts were during this period.

Looking back on this whole scenario still frustrates me. I still don't exactly know why you did what you did. I'll probably never know. I've come to terms with that.

It's honestly been a long time since I've though back at that period in life. Thinking about it now, I know you didn't purposely try to hurt me. At least, I don't think you did? You were going through some things and had tunnel vision. It's okay, like I said before, I forgive you.

You will always hold a special place in my heart. You were by my side though so much, and for that I am forever grateful. There's no other person in the world that I have gone on random drives around town for hours just listening to music and talking, or having solely emoji conversations. I have so much love for you, and that will never change. I hope you're killing it at life.

Through all the ups and downs we've gone through, just know I still care about you deeply and hope for nothing but the best.

Love,