finally learning to be confident.

I've never been a confident person growing up. I was probably the opposite of that most of the time. I was extremely self-conscious of myself at all times. I worried about what I looked like to other people, and compared myself to other people I wanted to be like.

In high school, I did have a conversation with a group of friends about confidence, and they ended up telling me that I came across as confident, which surprised me. I guess that was good thing? I did always hear fake it til you make it.

The problem was I have been attempting to fake it for years and I still haven't "made it".

As I've gotten older, certain situations made me more confident. If my makeup was done to perfection or my outfit made me feel amazing, I tended to feel more confident. If I was around friends where I didn't feel judged, I was much more confident as well.

The last thing that influenced how confident I felt, was if I hyped myself up beforehand. For example, if I played my confidence playlist, I would feel ready to take on the world afterwards.

Recently, I wanted to work on my self-confidence. I didn't want to rely on all these exterior things to feel confident. I wanted the confidence to come from me, no matter who I'm with, what I'm listening to, and who I'm hanging out with me.

I knew this was going to be a huge and difficult mission.

While talking to a friend of mine that I felt oozes confidence, she gave me the key to confidence.

It's funny, because what she said wasn't something revolutionary or anything. I could have probably found something online or on a book stating the same thing. I don't know what it was, but when she explained how confidence should be found, it just clicked.

You might not believe me, but I have had confidence in myself since that conversation a week ago. I saved the voice message she sent me, and whenever I feel like I need a reminder, I listen to it again.

It wasn't a particularly long voice message, maybe about two minutes long, but it honestly changed me and my mindset.

She told me the key to confidence comes from within. To sit down and think about all the things that make you you. Think about all the things that blend together to make you unique. No one in this world is exactly like you, you are perfectly unique.

If you struggle with listing out things that are amazing about you, think about your loved ones. There's a reason why they love you. Instead of listing things that you love about yourself, think about why those loved ones love you so much. (I found this much easier to do when first thinking about it. It's easier to think why other people love you verses why you should love yourself.)

From there it was much easier to come up with things that make me unique on my own. Whenever I doubt myself or my amazing-ness, I not only listen to the voice message, but I repeat to myself a positive affirmation. For example:

I'll think to myself, "Why do I feel this way? I'm so awesome. I'm __________, ____________, ____________. I'm actually amazing!"

I know it sounds kind of lame, but weirdly enough, it actually works. I feel so much better about myself, and get rid of that doubt that's in my head.

It's okay to rely on exterior things to boost your confidence, but those things are so finicky. You're not always going to be wearing a bomb outfit, and your makeup is not always perfect. Realizing how to be confident without those things are key. It's not particularly easy, but it 's going to change your whole life for the better. It hasn't been that long that I've been feeling so positive about this topic, but it's already changed my life for the better.

I still have a long way to go, but I was hoping to share what changed my thoughts on confidence with the rest of you. Maybe it would click with one of you.

Now tell me, do any of you struggle with confidence? Do you have any secrets to conquering it? Let me know in the comments down below! I would to get more insight on what other people do.

Sending you love, strength, and positivity!

-melina xxx