I have to see things through.

Growing up, I've always been someone who had to see things through til the end. Even if I hated a book or movie, I had to finish it. I had to see how it ended. I had this weird worry that if I stopped reading or watching, there was a possibility that it could get better, and I would miss out.

I don't know why I was like this, but I was. I had this urge to finish something, no matter how terrible it was. This changed a bit around the time I was a senior in high school. I had read so many shitty books, and was reading tons of user created books on Wattpad, that I was realizing the patterns and signs of a terrible book I was not going to enjoy.

I started stopping books midway. It was nearly killing me. I would stop reading a book, and I would spend the rest of the night tossing and turning wondering if I gave up on the story too soon. What if it got better?

This is something that didn’t only affect my watching and reading habits, it also effected my relationships. On more than one occasion, I have gotten to know someone. Dated them, and then even though I had tons of red flags that it wasn't going to work out, I would stay in this relationship.

I had the same thoughts I would have when I was younger and reading books. What if it got better? I spent months longer in a relationship, than I should have.

I would be anxious and unhappy for months, sucking it up, wishing and hoping that it would get better. Keeping my fingers crossed thinking that the relationship had the potential to get better.

Why was I like this? Even though after 2-3 months in the relationship I had a feeling that it wouldn't work out, I stayed in it.

I didn't realize this until more recently in a moment of self-reflection, but I like to see things through. I don't like to make rash decisions. I'd rather keep reading a book, even if it's terrible in the beginning, just in case the book ends up being good.

I guess it might be easier sticking around til the end instead of stopping something midway and always wondering if you made the right decision.

At the same time, you waste more time by doing that.

I feel like because I overthink every aspect in my life, I realize that it's easier for me to stay in a situation longer, even if it makes me unhappy, because if I have a shred of doubt, then my mind goes into overthinking overdrive.

Over the past few months I've been thinking about these habits, and I realize that I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be the person who settles, waiting because of the potential something might have.

Since I finally stopped forcing myself to read shitty books, the next step is to stop wasting my time on relationships that I know in my gut aren't going to work out long-term.

Now tell me are you someone who has to see things through or are you someone who knows how to cut something off when you know it's no good? Let me know in the comments down below.

-melina xx