I used to think I was ugly.
What a statement right? What a terrible thing to think about myself. I never had a problem with the way I looked growing up. To be honest, I couldn't care less what I looked like. I was too busy digging up worms, creating centipede villages, playing Halo on the Xbox, and playing with Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh cards to even care.
That changed when I was in 9th grade. I was 14 years old, and my friend made a comment about my nose. I never even noticed I had a bump on my nose until that moment. From that point on, I was extremely self-conscious. I never wanted to take pictures. I didn't want proof of the ugliness. I just felt ugly.
Instead of noticing all the things I liked about myself, I wallowed in self-pity. I would look at all the things I hated about myself, and would constantly compare myself to the girls in the magazine. I didn't have those cheek bones that everyone yearned for, nor did I have beautiful blue, green, or hazel eyes. I would nitpick every single part of me that wasn't acceptable in my eyes.
This really hit my self-esteem hard. I remember when I was in girl scouts, we had an overnight event, so we ended up playing this game where we had to answer questions about ourselves, and of course the question I got was "on a scale of 1-10, how good looking do you think you are?". I was mortified. Did I really want to answer honestly about it? I didn't really want to get into the discussion that I thought I was a good 3-4. Instead, I said 5. My best friend, Erika, was shocked by my answer (imagine if I told her what I really thought). Everyone else shrugged off my answer and we continued our game.
These two moments really have stuck with me all these years. I have had moments that I would feel confident and circumstances would bring me back to square one. It has taken me almost 10 years, but I have to say that I am happy with myself. I feel confident and love myself.
While I'm still working on toning my body, exercise and eating right, I am happy with myself. I have never looked in the mirror and felt beautiful. I have never felt myself more than I have in the last five months. I promised myself that 2018 was the year for me to love myself and put myself first, and I have followed through.
I can walk in a room, wearing whatever I feel like wearing, and I feel confident. When I take pictures now, I no longer shrug away shyly. I own my poses, my outfit and myself.
Obvious there are some days that you are going to doubt your greatness, but you gotta repeat to yourself "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am powerful, I am an amazing person", and realize that you are all the things you're telling yourself. Sometimes we can be so kind to others and so harsh to ourselves.
Now whenever I feel self-conscious, I look at all the things I like about myself such as my big eyes, my freckles, and my blonde hair. It's so easy to look at the negative in terms of ourselves, so we have to reteach ourselves the correct way to love and think. It's a work in progress, but every step you take towards loving yourself, is a step in the right direction.
I promise each and every single one of you reading this is beautiful. Embrace your beauty. Love yourself. Slay.
Have you ever had self-esteem issues? Let me know in the comments below. I hope you enjoyed this post. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. As always, sending you love, strength, and positivity.
-Melina xx
Melina this post was so inspiring. I think every woman goes through these same stages and always has moments of feeling like we're not good enough. It's amazing that you've found the things to love about yourself, and I'm taking a lesson from you girl and I'll tell myself I'm amazing whenever I feel bad about things too! xxx
omg, thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear that this post inspired you. It's such a shame to think other people feel the same way I have (I mean I know other people do, but it's sad to think about it too much). I promise you, it's not easy to counterattack your negative thoughts with positive, but with practice it helps loads! Thank you so much for reading and you're beyond thoughtful comment xx
your* (sorry, that would have driven me crazy)
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Oh, my thank you so much, and thank you for the follow! I really hope you enjoy my content 🙂 xx
Ps: I'll check out your post ! x
I couldn't relate to this post any more! I think that sadly, focusing on all the worst parts of yourself is a teenage girl thing. I love the message of this though, we all should definitely be focussing on the best parts of ourselves rather than what we think are the worst! This is an amazing post- https://sophiehearts.net x
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I'm glad you could relate to it, and I think you're right. There are so many pressure when you're a teenager, that it's tough not to compare.
This is such a wonderful and inspiring post, Melina, thank you for writing it, you're honestly such an inspiration to me. <3 I used to be very self-conscious about how I looked and, if asked the same question as you, I would probably have picked 3-4 as my rating, too. I admire you so much for taking every step towards loving yourself more and finding what's beautiful. You're stunning and such a role model. I always struggled with self-esteem and, if I try to take the same steps as yours, it really is a work in progress, haha. But I'm tryin so that's what matters I guess 😀
Thank you for sharing this <3 <3
Thank you so much, these are the most flattering things in the world to hear! I can't believe you called me a wonderful role model and inspiration! Like they are literally the kindest things in the world!
Loving yourself is a long and difficult journey, but it's so worth it. As long as you don't give up while working on loving yourself, you will continue to improve 🙂 Thanks so much for reading Marie ! xx
OH it's the truth honestly, you're amazing <3 You're so welcome! <3
Girl you're so gorgeous, the way you look AND your personality (and the second is obviously the most important)!
It's weird to me that people sometimes seem to think beauty is something quantifiable when really it's so subjective!
I always hated my chin, I have a little split chin dimple and I HAAATE it, but other people tell me they think it's cute. I don't know what to think haha.
It's so true, and something I learned with age. When I was younger, I would compare myself to these girls in the magazine and be sad because I looked nothing like them. Now, I can look at someone else's beauty and realize that you can look at them and see how beautiful they are, and just because you don't have to traits, doesn't make you any less beautiful!
I actually never noticed it in your blog posts! You are beautiful though love, so you have nothing to worry about.
Thanks so much for reading and your super thoughtful comment 🙂 x
I wish it was easier for girls growing up, I think just about everyone goes through something like that. I'm happy a lot of companies are starting to push for no photoshop on their models!
Yay that just made my day! I try to pose so it's not so noticeable 😄 You're very welcome, I love reading your insightful blog posts xx
I totally agree! I gives girls a more realistic approach to what's real and what's not. And you know what I was thinking the other day, lots of makeup gurus use botox and lip fillers, and they still aren't a realistic view of what a "natural" girl would look like with makeup on. Girls would be comparing themselves to these girls not realizing that unless they get these cosmetic procedures, they might never look like them.
That's so true, I was watching a denitslava Q & A video and one of the questions subscribers were asking was why doesn't she get lip fillers and she was like.. "because I'm happy with the way my lips look" which I thought was really great of her. People expect perfection for some reason instead of being happy with real people!
Yes to this entire post!
When I was younger I was extremely self-conscious. Over the years I grew out of it. And managed to stop caring about my flaws. Sometimes I still get down but I manage to pick myself up.
I’m so happy that you’re now comfortable in you’re body! Lovely post ❤️
I'm so glad you could relate to this post! I feel like it's something most people struggle with, even the most beautiful people in the world can spot a flaw in themselves. Like you, I sometimes feel badly about myself, but I've definitely learned multiple techniques in order to face my insecurities, and they have made the world of a difference! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your own experiences 🙂 xx
Glad you are now feeling more confident and embracing your beauty. You have every reason to! I always think it's society and people who put negativity into us. We are born with self-love - somehow lose it and then try to get it back again.
It's the best fight though! I hope 2018 continues being your year! xx
You are so right, society constantly tells us what is considered beautiful and what is not, and if you don't fit into that mold, it could be hard to see the beauty in ourselves.
I never thought about it, but you are so right. We are born into loving ourselves, and as we get influenced by society and those around us it changes. Thanks so much for reading and your thoughtful comment! xx