left disappointed.

I'm left disappointed, yet again. I tried to keep my walls high, and hold him an arm's length away, but somehow he got past my defenses. When I thought I made a genuine connection, I got my hopes up, only for it not to work in my favor.

In the end, I wanted him to make more of an effort. I wanted to feel wanted. What I wanted, was the person who supposedly liked me to want to talk to me & hang out with me, just like I wanted to do the same with them. Not only did I not get more effort, but somehow, I ended up with someone who made less of an effort. Of course, I got tired of putting all the effort in, only to get none in return. And what do I get back?

Silence. Radio Silence.

I stop putting in an effort, and he didn't even bat an eyelash. I thought he would miss me. Because you know what? Weirdly enough, I miss him.

I miss snapping each other daily, and lil' conversations throughout the week. I keep thinking back to how great it was when we hung out. And even though it wasn't very long in the grand scheme of things, I honestly miss him.

Not only do I miss him, but I'm hurt that he didn't even try. I thought he would reach out. That when he realized I couldn't go on the way we were going, he would see the error of his way. I thought I would hear from him at least one more time. I wanted him to fight for me, to fight for us. I thought he would. Boy was I wrong.

All this time wasted on someone who said they were ready for a relationship. Someone who made all these plans to go on all these dates in the future (which we never went on). Someone, who in the end, wasn't actually ready for a relationship.

Sure, he said he was, but in reality, he wanted the perks that came with a relationship. He wanted the perks without putting in any of the effort or work that goes along with it.

You know what's funny? I actually think he did like me. It may come across as naïve for me to say, but it's the truth. I think he liked me, but doesn't know what to do with that. Maybe he was hurt in the past, and is too afraid to get close to someone? Maybe he's never opened up to someone in his life, and this was his way of liking someone? Or maybe, I'm completely off base, and he didn't like me after all. This minimal effort is actually because he was interested in a relationship, just not with me.

I guess in the end, it doesn't matter. Because I got my hopes up, only to be left disappointed.