The Pressure to Find...Someone.
Hey guys! How are you? I can't believe that October is almost over, I feel like we breezed right through it. I gotta say that this week has definitely dragged on a bit though.
I've had this thought on my mind for a while, and this Wednesday, when I had a dinner date with my best friend, Erika, we talked about it and I felt like I wanted to talk about it on here.
If you guys didn't know, I come from a Hispanic background, specifically Dominican. Earlier this month, I spent 10 days in Dominican Republic, and as such spent time with some family.
You know when you don't see someone for a long time, and you have to update them on your life? Well, I was so excited to tell them about my blog, and exciting trips I've been on since I've last seen them. While they were happy for me, the one thing that they were the most interested in was if I had found a romantic partner.
While I know that relationships are important in terms of changes in people's lives. I was just a bit frustrated with the fact that they were more excited about the fact that I was talking to a boy verses my own personal achievements.
Now, I don't know if this is a Hispanic cultural thing, but it's definitely frustrating for my family to only bring up about how happy they are that I "found someone", and that "hopefully he'll make a good husband" and other things along those lines.
I have only known him for four months....the last thing on my mind is marriage!
They went on to say that they were "praying that I would find a great husband that loves me and treats me well". Now, I know they mean well. They don't say these things with bad intentions. It's more the fact that I wish they were more interested in my actual life rather than my love life?
This is definitely not a girl thing either, it definitely goes both ways! My brothers get the same shit! Like when I was single, I was completely happy being single, and them hoping I would find someone was a damper on my mood! Like am I not good enough on my own? Aren't my achievements enough to get excited about, regardless of whether I have a partner or not?
My time will come when it comes. I'm not really concerned about getting married, so to have it brought up all the time puts this weird pressure on me. Thank god my parents don't ever say things like that! I honestly don't know how I would survive if that topic was constantly brought up! I know my family wants what's best for me, but I just wish they were happier about how well I'm doing regardless of whether I'm single or not.
Does your family put this weird pressure on you guys too? Let me know in the comments down below. As always, thank you for reading! I hope you have a wonderful day/night. Sending you love, strength and positivity.
-Melina xxx
I would be so frustrated if I was in that situation! Like yes it's something exciting that's going on in your live but at four months nobody should be expecting you to be thinking about getting married already! There's so much more in your life to talk about than your relationship.
I started dating my now husband when I was 18 so I think I skipped most of that pressure because I was so young and the extent of what my dad told me was "don't marry a guy with tattoos and a motorcycle". But I remember after Mike & I got engaged his family was at my parents house to have dinner and when praying for the meal his mom started praying for me to have many children. So I can kind of relate, I was like, "are you kidding me right now?"
lmfaoo, that's such funny advice from your dad, imagine if your husband, Mike, had tattoos and drove a motorcycle?!
OMG, that's so crazy. I wonder how your mother in law feels now that you've been married for a while and still haven't had kids! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your own experience xxx
Well he's talked about getting both things LOL!
Luckily my brother and sister in law are planning on having kids soon so the pressure is off us for now. It's a relief! I still get the odd comment now and then but I just ignore it.
Also- had no idea you were Dominican though I was always curious 🙂 that’s so cool!
Yes! Both of my parents are 🙂
Hey Melina! It’s definitely been forever since I’ve been in the blogging world so how are you?! I think the whole thing about having a boyfriend or girlfriend (and having babies) is a total culture thing!! I’m Filipino and before I got married my older relatives always talked about that stuff and would ask me, if was almost comical! Def try to laugh it off if you can but I can see how it’s annoying. Hang in there!!
XO Jen
That's great advice, and something I'm definitely going to take! I shouldn't let them get to me as much as they do. Thank you for that! and, thank you for reading! It's so nice to hear from you! How's the baby coming along:)?!
She’s doing well!! She’s such a little cuddle bug and wants to eat all the time haha. Thanks for asking!! 💕
My family have always been most concerned about work. I'm a dreamer and I go after my dreams, which frustrates them because they would prefer I get a 'safe' job and work my way up some career ladder. We are actually completely different and that causes problems. But with love, I guess they don't say much now, but who knows as I start climbing 30! I loved reading this post! xx
See, my parents don't mind me going after my dreams, I just don't think they completely understand how time consuming blogging is? I think they think it's just something you write, and post. It's a little frustrating when they think that it's not something that takes a lot of time and effort!
While I was mainly talking about my dominican family, my parents don't really bother me too too much about relationships. Like you said, maybe if I'm completely alone by the time I hit 30, they'll start bugging me about it. Thank you so much for reading and commenting Laura 🙂 x
October is flying by way too fast. I wish the months with mild temperatures would last longer than they do. Moving into an intended permanent relationship is a big step.
I was born a male (ugh), was raised with one sister, and the pressures our parents put on us were simultaneously weird, and inconsistently controlling. I'm sure most of the time they wanted what they thought would be best for us. It's nice having the input of caring people who know you well, but, when it comes to choosing a life partner my opinion is that one should give a fair amount of weight to listening to their heart and what one wants their life to be like.
I completely agree with you in terms of temperatures! I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I rarely travel to cold countries! Warm temperatures really make a huge difference in my mood!
Thank you so much for reading and your thoughtful comment PB, I agree with you 100% :)x
Yasss to ALL of this! My family doesn't put to much pressure (it ore ebbs and flows, my parents are older and have had health issues so I think they want to see me with someone just in case something happens to them) but every single time I go back home, the first thing people ask me is if I am dating someone. Like THAT is all that matters. And it isn't. I don't need a man. Do I want one? Yes. Do I NEED one? No. And it doesn't make me or anyone else less then just because we do not have a partner. <3
Exactly! It's too frustrating when you're so proud and exciting to share with them exciting news, but all they seem to care about is if you're with someone. Thanks for reading and you're beyond thoughtful comment 🙂 x
Living in an asian background, I completely have to agree. I'm young and yet my parents and relatives from overseas always pressure or "jokely" tells me to get married sooner.
and while they saying it jokingly, it sits in the back of our heads, and it's literally a pressure we don't need! We'll settle down when WE'RE ready! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience with this 🙂 xxx
I feel the same too! My parents are especially concerned because I'm living far away from home and in Malaysia people do get married early like after graduation so they're worried that I couldn't find someone because most of my friends are either engaged or have a boyfriend.
It's a stress and pressure we don't need in our lives! You are getting an education, and the last thing you need is to worry about feeling forced to meet someone and have a boyfriend and get married. You have to take your own path, and if it's doesn't involve you having a boyfriend or getting engaged, it's okay! Thank you so much for reading and your thoughtful comment 🙂 x