traveling anxiety.

As I'm getting ready to travel, I'm starting to get the travel anxiety. It's crazy right? I love traveling, and yet something that I should only excited for, leaves me anxious.

I know I'm going to have fun, I know it's going to be nothing but great experiences, and yet I still am left with a feeling of unease.

I feel like some of it comes from the uncertainty of what the future holds. It's the same anxiety I feel during the first week of school. The same feeling I get when going on an interview.

Traveling to a new place...somewhere out of my norm, leaves me anxious.

I remember the first time I went on a flight by myself, it was the most nerve wrecking experience of my life. I was a mess almost two weeks before the trip. I sometimes have trouble going to the store by myself, because of the way it makes me feel. Me going on a flight was a whole other ballpark.

I did it, and as you know, the world didn't end.

Honestly, it was actually kind of liberating. I never imagined that I would do something like that by myself, and not only did I do it, but I survived. I know I sound extremely dramatic, but anxiety can be so crippling at times.

It can sometimes stop me from doing simple things like answering the phone, or god forbid, calling someone myself.

But here I was, going on an airplane by myself. It's something that I'm actually extremely proud of. Not only did I do it once, but I've actually have done it for 2 1/2 round trips (one way back, I brought my grandma home with me).

While I'm not allowing my anxiety to stop me from doing one of the things I love doing the most, I can't say that it doesn't take a toll on me. Prior to the trip, I'm a ball of anxiety.

Depending on the trip, I could be extremely anxious throughout the trip. I can happily say that I haven't felt that in quite a while (since I've learned to handle my anxiety better). Then after the trip, not only am I physically exhausted from all the walking, the flights, etc, I also feel extremely mentally drained.

Fighting anxiety can be extremely exhausting, especially when you're trying to make sure it doesn't ruin something as important as a vacation. I come back and all I want to do is rest. That's exactly why I usually try to come back on a Saturday. It allows me to have the rest of Saturday and Sunday to rest, before coming back to work.

Traveling is one of my favorite things in the world. Nothing makes me happier than getting to experience new things, having fun, adventuring out into the world, and honestly almost everything about traveling.

Even though traveling makes me as happy as it does, I don't think I've ever talked about the mental toll traveling can have on me. That feeling of being on edge, uneasy, and just overall uncertain. While the pros definitely out way the cons, and while I don't really get too much anxiety anymore while I'm actually on my trip, I used to.

I used to get so overwhelmed, not really knowing why I felt that way, and it would ruin my whole day. It has actually ruined trips for me before. I just wanted to be alone, and would burst out in tears, without really knowing why I felt the way I did. On top of all the feelings I was having, I felt like a freak. Who gets anxious while going on vacation? A place you're supposed to feel the most relaxed. A place that's supposed to give you pleasure?

It was a weird place for me to be. I was so happy to be traveling, and yet I was plagued by those feelings of anxiety. I've been traveling a few times a year now for many years, and I know now that I'm not a "freak" for feeling that anxiety. It can be perfectly normal for feeling overwhelmed by the unknown.

Like I said, I have been managing it much better in recent years. My anxiety as a whole has improved significantly. I still get anxiety before a trip, and even some after a trip. I know that that's okay.

I accept the feelings I feel, but I also try not to allow it to ruin my experiences. I hope that with time, as traveling becomes much more of a norm for me, I might get rid of my pre-travel anxiety. If it doesn't go away, that's okay too.

This is something I came to terms with extremely recently. I didn't want to admit that something like traveling, which most people only connect with positive associations, could also have some negative feelings associated for me.

I'm not ashamed to say that traveling makes me anxious. Coming back home from a trip also makes me anxious. It's okay for me to admit that now. I hope something can relate to what I'm saying, and if you do, I promise you that it's okay to feel this way.

It's okay to feel anxious, we just have to remind ourselves to not let those feelings take over and win.

Do you get travel anxiety? Let me know in the comments down below. Thank you so much for reading.

Sending you love, strength, and positivity.

-melina xx